


Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

by Inkkblots



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: 20's to 50's era, AU, Alternate Universe - Bonnie & Clyde, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Bank Robbery, But with guns, Canon-Typical Violence, Illegal Activities, Modern Thedas, Multi, Shoot 'em Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:29:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkkblots/pseuds/Inkkblots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a back alley deal goes south, Isabella and Varric find themselves running from both Bartrand and the law, but especially the law. So if they're already on the run and out of cash why not just rob some stores and hit some banks? Along the way various friends, acquaintances, strangers and hostages join up and form their own little infamous gang. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This came about when me and a friend were discussing the possibility of Mafioso Varric. Eventually it turned into Varric and Isabella have a wild Bonnie and Clyde adventure full of rootin tootin shoot 'em ups.  
> A bit of World-building knowledge; Set in Thedas, but modern mashup 20's-50's era Thedas (Like how LoK is an advancement of the AtlA setting). Magic still exists but is a rarity and is heavily restricted. Humans still think they're hot shit. More World-building to follow in-story but feel free to ask questions.

“Come on kitten, put the money in the bag,” she crooned. A wicked smirk plastered across her face as she leveled the shotgun on the counter, finger hovering over the trigger. Her white sundress cut low to show off her ample cleavage. The bank teller on the opposite side of the counter broke out into a sweat wide eyed as he stuffed the money into the burlap sack that had been tossed to him earlier. Her dark lined eyes lit up as she saw just how much money had been in the register. They had definitely made the right call coming back to hit Kirkwall.

            Behind her were five other figures, all wearing masks. She was the only one daring enough to show her face here; after all, how else would the world know to give her the credit she was due?

 

                        -Seven Years Earlier-

 

            Honey-gold eyes scanned the crowded dance floor from the bar, searching no doubt for their next conquest. “Isabella!” A voice called out from further down the bar, she turned to see a man walking toward her, drink in hand. “Glad you’re here, got some information for you.”

            “Oh really, Lucky?” She took a sip from her glass, eyebrows raised, “and just what information do you have?”

            “It’s about that shipment you were asking about last week. It’s coming in tomorrow.”

            “When tomorrow?”

            “At night I’m assuming, now, where’s my payment?” He placed his drink on the bar, as if he expected his payment to need both hands.

            She sighed and polished off her drink, placing the glass on the bar next to his and turned to look at Lucky. “I’ll tell you what, since that information is worth nothing, that’s what I’ll pay you,” she smiled.

            “You bitch, you said you’d pay if I could find out about that shipment for you,” Lucky’s hand was reaching into his jacket. Given their history, Isabella knew that he was likely going for the revolver he kept in his shoulder holster. She drew her own .22 short revolver out of it’s hiding place at her thigh, pointing it at Lucky.

            “Come now Lucky, don’t make a scene.”

            “You think you can kill me with that little girly gun?”

            “No,” she grinned, “but I know I can do enough damage to wreck you.” She lowered her arm and pressed the tip of the .22 short to the crotch of his pants. “Now tell me Lucky, are you feeling very lucky?”

            Lucky pulled his hand from inside his coat, slowly with his fingers splayed to show his hand was empty. “Fine, have it your way Isabella.”

            Isabella narrowed her eyes; that had been too easy. Lucky had to have something planned for later. She pulled her gun away and tucked it back into her thigh high regardless. If Lucky was backing down there was no need to make a big scene in the middle of the Hanged Man. Not tonight at least. Lucky kept his hands up as he backed away from the bar, then turned to disappear into the crowd. Isabella stared after him for a while; keeping her guard up, but eventually she shrugged it off. She picked his half full glass up and drained it, placing the empty glass back on the counter and ordering another drink.

            “That was quite the display there,” Isabella turned from waiting for her drink to see a dwarf appearing next to her at the bar. His suit was well tailored and looked expensive, but there was something about him that made it seem casual. Maybe it was just the overcoat.

            “And you are?”

            “Varric Tethras, at your service,” he tipped his hat and winked at her, a broad grin appearing on his face.

            “And what are you hear to service?” She smiled back. He was no doubt charming, and his sudden appearance had peaked Isabella’s interest. Who was he, and what was he after?

            “I’m here less to service. More to offer a proposition, I couldn’t help but notice your little exchange with that greasy gentleman. You seem like just the kind of person I need.”

            Isabella raised an eyebrow, “Oh? And what kind of person is that?”

            “Someone who can handle themselves and can see when shit is going south.” That had definitely caught her interest, or at least her curiosity.

            “Oh?”

            “My brother’s got a keen business sense, and we recently acquired an item of, let’s call it a unique and unsavory nature that we’re looking to unload.”

            “So black market goods?” Isabella interrupted.

            “Something like that. We picked it up on an expedition. Bartrand damn near ran off with it, but I reasoned with him, persuaded him to see that something of that value could bring in a pretty penny. We don’t want to trust it to one of our fences, so-”

            “So it’s valuable?”

            “Yes, it’s valuable. We’re not going through a fence, so Bartrand set up a deal. I’m delivering the item myself, and while I’m not too bad in a fight I’d be more comfortable with some extra people at my back. I've got a couple of guys already, but they're Bartrand’s, they're idiots.”

            “So you don’t trust your brother or his men and you want me there as a third party to cover your ass?”

            “Basically.”

            “Give me a cut of the profits. A nice one, not some teeny cut that buys me a nice dress and nothing else, I want actual profit.”

            “You got yourself a deal Rivaini,” he grinned and held out his hand.

            “Rivaini?” She clasped his hand, it was large compared to hers and his grip was firm.

            “You’ve got an accent, and I don’t believe you introduced yourself.”

            “Isabella, at your service,” she winked. Varric broke out into a smile and chuckled.

            “Rivaini, I think we’ll get along famously,” Isabella smiled, she was starting to get that feeling too.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

            “Oh! A job!” The pale elf clapped her hands together in front of her, “that sounds so exciting! I hope it all goes well!”

            “Don’t worry kitten, I’m sure it will,” Isabella turned to smile at he girl sitting on the bed before her. Her name was Merrill and her hair was short and dark and she had large green eyes.

            “Even so I wish you luck!” She sat cross-legged on the bed, her knee length dress poofed out around her. Accented by her brown waist belt and the enormously oversized green coat she wore. She had altered the sleeves of it to only come to her forearms, but the rest of it was still quite large on her, coming almost as low as her dress. Where Merrill had found the thing to begin with, Isabella would never know.

            “Thank you, and thanks for letting me stay at your place,” Isabella popped another button on her shirt open. Just because she was wearing pants and a decent shirt didn’t mean she had to look like the decent sort. She turned back to the mirror in the corner of the bedroom, adding another bobby pin to her hair. Which was now pulled up and pinned in place rather than down. She stuck with her usually blue bandanna though, tying it in place.

            “Oh! It’s no trouble! I’m terribly sorry your ship sank in that storm. That’s not something you hear about often now is it? Most people travel by plane now, not many people favor sailing. It’s almost like you could be a pirate, sailing about. You know one time-“ Merrill rambled on, but quickly lost Isabella’s attention. Which happened quite often. Merrill was new to the large port city of Kirkwall, and living in its elven slums. She was still fascinated by all the humans around her in the city, never living in a place with quite so many of them in such close proximity before.

            It was sad, but while slavery had finally been abolished in the city-states of the Free Marches (and through most of the world); elves were still seen as second-class citizens.

            None of that really mattered to Isabella much. What had mattered was she was homeless and almost broke and this cute young girl had offered her a roof to put over he head, despite not knowing her at all. Merrill was naïve and a bit too trusting, but Isabella had never taken too much advantage of that. In fact she had begun teaching Merrill more about how to not be taken advantage of, among other things.

            “Well I’m off! I’ll likely be home late,” Isabella interrupted Merrill’s rambling.

            “Oh! Right! Sorry for rambling on like that, I didn’t mean to keep you! Good luck!”

            Isabella smiled and waved at Merrill as she left the apartment. Varric had tracked her down a week or so ago to give her the details of the deal she was to be backing him up on. As well as a nice hefty number to label her part of the profits should things work out. It was, of course, in a back alley of Lowtown. Nice and secluded. Also not too far from where Merrill lived, though Isabella and Varric had plans to meet at the hanged man beforehand.

            Isabella walked into the Hanged Man and spotted Varric at the table in the back she had frequently begun seeing him at, and sauntered over. There were two more dwarves sitting on either side of him that she didn’t recognize, and she noticed a briefcase sitting at Varric’s feet beside his chair.

            “Well Rivaini, ready for some action?”

            “Hoping more to just stand around and still get paid,” she grinned. Varric laughed and stood, grabbing the suitcase.

            “Well then let’s get this over with,” his suit was different (but still well tailored), but he still wore the same overcoat.

            Isabella and Varric bantered back and forth during their walk to the meeting place. In the short time they had been acquainted they had become rather close, finding lots of common ground to discuss. The other two dwarfs, who Varric had introduced as some of Bartrand’s guys, remained silent and tense.

            They arrived at the meeting place quickly, and walked down the darkened alley. There was a single light in the alley, hovering over the doorway. It was likely the back door to a kitchen of some restaurant or another given the smell the dumpster was putting out. Isabella stood next to Varric, the other two hung back, almost directly behind them. This set off a few red flags for Isabella, she’d seen her fair share of deals gone south. It always started out with someone double crossing someone else. Bartrand did sound like the type of ass to pull something.

            Out of the darkness before them, three figures appeared; all dwarves.

            “This isn’t a deal is it?” Varric asked; dropping the briefcase and pulling a rather fancy looking automatic gun out from under his overcoat. Isabella had no idea what it was. It looked custom.

            “Now Varric, it’s nothing personal,” the middle dwarf that approached said, hands held in front of him.

            “Bullshit Bartrand.”

            Oh, so this was the brother. This was also definitely a set up, Isabella reached behind her to pull out her 9mm out of her belt. As soon as she gripped it the dwarves on either side of Bartrand and the two behind her drew their guns too.

            “I can’t see it Varric, it’s calling to me. Can’t you hear it?” Bartrand took a few steps forward.

            “I’m not getting paid, am I?” Isabella lamented, glancing over at Varric.

            “Afraid not,” Varric glanced at her and gave her a curt nod, then he opened fire, taking out one of the dwarves next to Bartrand. Bartrand ducked and pulled a revolver from under his coat, firing at Isabella. Isabella ducked and turned, taking out the dwarf behind her.

            Varric jumped to Isabella’s side and they both dashed behind the dumpster next to the doorway. Varric and Isabella both fired at the second dwarf that had been behind them. Bartrand and the other remaining dwarf continuous fired at them, hitting the dumpster.

            “I’ve got the case,” they heard Bartrand tell the other dwarf, they could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

            “Bartrand you bastard!” Varric leaned around the dumpster and let loose a few shot before ducking back behind the dumpster.

            “Follow my lead,” Isabella whispered to him, diving out from cover and wilding firing as she kicked in the door and dashed inside. Varric followed suit and then slammed the door behind him, Isabella already has a chair ready to shove under the knob.

            They both took off through the corridor, finding the front door and running out. Ducking behind a parked car not too far away, keeping watchful eyes on the doorway they exited in case they were pursued.

            “Well, shit,” muttered Varric.

            Isabella could not agree more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From on the run to making plans to lay low, back to being on the run. The chase officially begins!!

Chapter Two

“Well, that happened,” Isabella slumped down on the doorstep of some apartment building a few blocks from the shootout. She could hear sirens in the distance.  
“Bartrand’s a bastard, but I never expected him to pull a stunt like this. Setting me up just so he could run off with the idol.”  
“Idol? Is that what this was about?”  
“Yeah, it was made out of some sort of red lyrium.”  
“You’re shitting me.”  
“I wish,” Varric chuckled in disbelief as a police car sped past them. “We should find someplace to lay low. At least for tonight.”  
“Follow me, I know a place,” Isabella stood again and began walking in the direction of the elven slums.  
It didn’t take them long to get there, casually ducking into alleys and turning their heads every time they passed someone in the street. They kept a weary eye out for any potential tails they might have picked up during their brief rest, but they managed to make it to Merrill’s apartment without incident.   
“Isabella? That you?” Merrill called when the door opened.  
“Nope, just another serial killer!” Isabella called back, stepping aside to let Varric in before closing and securely locking the door behind them.  
“You brought a friend!” Merrill clapped her hands together in excitement. “Hello! I’m Merrill! Or did Isabella already tell you that?”  
“This is Varric,” Isabella said as she brushed past them both to cross the small apartment and peer out the window onto the street.  
“Varric Tethras, pleased to meet you Daisy,” Varric smiled at her. Merrill seemed delighted at having a guest.  
“I apologize for the mess, the house just never seems to be clean when I have guests! Oh, but how did your job go Isabella?”  
“Not good Kitten, not good at all,” satisfied by the lack of activity outside on the street Isabella walked back to Merrill and Varric. Merrill turned to look at Varric when Isabella offered no elaboration and he simply shrugged.  
“Oh something terrible happened didn’t it?”

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning they sat around the small table in the corner of the tiny kitchen in the apartment drinking coffee. Merrill had been filled in on the previous nights escapades and they now sat in silence.  
“So what do you suppose you should do now? Are you fugitives?” Merrill held her mug between her hands, looking eagerly between Isabella and Varric. It was then there was a knock on the door. Merrill quickly rose to her feet and skipped over to the door.  
“Are we fugitives? I don’t feel like a fugitive,” Isabella took a long sip from her mug and looked at Varric. His overcoat was tossed over the back of his chair and he had lost his suit jacket. His shirt was unbuttoned revealing a forest of chest hair, which Isabella guessed is where his beard went.  
“Oh dear!” They heard Merrill gasp and instantly locked eyes. Varric reached for his gun; Isabella could have sworn she heard him call it Bianca last night, and Isabella got up and sauntered towards the door.  
“Yes! They’re downstairs in the lobby asking for information now, although they might have left. No one wants to talk to them so they may have given up,” a young man said. Isabella recognized his face, and he was an elf so she assumed he was a neighbor. Varric went to the window to look out at the street below.  
“Shit,” he grumbled. Isabella went to look out the window as well and Merrill continued to talk to the boy at the door. Outside on the sidewalk there was two members of the city’s police force standing by a squad car talking.  
“I don’t see why they thought anyone here would tell them anything anyway. Maybe if they cared more about getting justice for elves; did you know that guy that murdered those girls was allowed to go free?”  
“I heard,” Merrill lowered her head solemnly.  
“Anyway, just thought I should let you know. One of the people they’re looking for sounded kinda like that girl staying with you.”  
“Thank you Feynrial, tell your mother I said hello,” the boy nodded and continued down the hall as Merrill closed the door.  
“How’d they know? It’s not like anyone saw us last night,” Isabella glared out the window.   
“No one but Bartrand, and I can’t see him getting the cops involved in this,” Varric had lowered his gun and leaned it against the wall under the window.   
“Perhaps someone saw you out of their window?” Merrill sounded cheery enough considering the circumstances. Isabella clicked her tongue and turned.  
“We’ll have to lay low for a few days, maybe just get out of Kirkwall for a while.”   
“Oh! Like a vacation?” Merrill clapped her hands together in excitement.  
“Leave Kirkwall? There’s no need for that. We just need to lay low.”  
“Trust me Varric, getting out of town for a bit is the best way to get around this. It’ll blow over in no time.”  
“You seem entirely too calm about all this Rivaini,” Varric looked up at her and she grinned.  
“I may have some experience in this area,” she smirked and Varric shook his head.  
“Are you sure we need to leave Kirkwall though?” Varric walked back toward the kitchen.  
“It’s not like we’re leaving forever, just a few days. A week tops!” Isabella followed him into the kitchen, Merrill in tow.  
“Fine,” Varric sighed, “I trust your judgment. After all you have experience.” Isabella smiled at him, “we should make one stop before we leave the city though.”  
“And where would that be?” Isabella asked.  
“The bank, we’re going to need cash.”  
“What? In Hightown? Where the police headquarters is? I’ll pass.”  
“Come on Rivaini, we’ll be in and out. I’ll pull an inconspicuous amount out of my account, pop over to the estate and grab a car; nothing major. We’ll be out and on the road to our little vacation in no time.”  
“I have a car!” Merrill chirped, “It was a parting gift from Marethari!”  
“We’re still going to need enough cash to comfortably lay low Daisy, but sure we can take your car. Better than risking running into Bartrand at the estate.”  
“I can drive! I like driving,” Merrill beamed.  
“You may like it, but you could use some practice Kitten,” Isabella laughed as she walked back into the front room and pulled out two suitcases from under the bed. Merrill trotted over to help Isabella pack some clothes for them as well as other essentials. Varric put his overcoat back on and tucked away Bianca, chucking as he leaned on the doorframe watching the pair pack.   
Merrill packed an assortment of dresses, as well as one pair of holey jeans and a few shirts. She reached up and pulled a large floppy sunhat with a row of daisies around where the brim met the cap out of her closet and put it on before twirling around and looking in the mirror, “This is going to be so much fun, oh I’m so excited!” Isabella grinned at her as she packed a few of her own dresses along with her pants and low cut tops, tossing her favorite pair of thigh high brown boots into the suitcase as well before closing it and reaching past Merrill to grab the oversized sunglasses hanging off the mirror frame.  
“Varric, aren’t you going to need clothes?” Merrill looked at him, her voice as cheery as ever.  
“I’ll just buy some new ones after we hit the bank, no sense going home for some and running into Bartrand,” he smiled at her, admiring her concern for him.  
Once packed the three of them headed down to where Merrill’s car was parked at the curb in front of their building. It was old and outdated, but it ran fine and it was a convertible to boot. It was a cheery pastel yellow, almost cream, color and Merrill hopped into the driver’s seat with a grin, putting the key in the ignition, “Right now where are we going?”  
“How about I drive until we get outside Kirkwall kitten? Don’t want us getting lost now do we,” Isabella smiled at Merrill softly and Merrill nodded.  
“I suppose you’re right. I still get lost when I leave the alienage sometimes,” Merrill scooted down on the bench seat to ride passenger as Isabella climbed into the driver’s place. Varric slid into the back and smiled.  
“I know this place like the back of my hand Daisy, when we’re back I’ll give you the grand tour of it all.”  
“Oh that would be so delightful Varric! Thank you!” Merrill turned to look at him and clapped her hands excitedly as Isabella pulled the car out into the slow traffic of the alienage. Not many of the elves had cars, mostly walking or riding bikes and scooters around the city. They passed maybe 4 cars before they reached the market district of Lowtown, packed with shoppers on the sidewalks and alleyways and more cars as they head toward Hightown. They had almost reached the roundabout that would divert traffic either into Hightown or back around through the other side of the market district when Isabella heard a shout on the street.   
One of the two officers they had seen asking around the alienage earlier was shouting and pointing at them; speaking into his belt radio as his partner began sprinting to the police car parked in a wider alley off the street across from them.   
“Shit,” Varric cursed, looking at them and then looking forward as lights and sirens sounded from the road leading up to Hightown.   
“How do they KNOW?” Isabella sped up, recklessly pulling out into the roundabout as the sirens grew louder, coming from Hightown and from behind them as well now, the two officers in their car behind them, waving people off the street and calling for Isabella to pull over.  
Isabella; not one to comply and get caught, floored it through the roundabout, passing the exit for Hightown and instead heading back through the opposite side of the market district. “Sorry Varric, looks like we’re not making that pit stop for you.”  
“Understandable Rivani, just get us out of here,” Varric turned to watch behind them as the police car that was behind them made it through the roundabout, two more cars entering it behind the first from Hightown.  
Isabella glanced in the rearview mirror, seeing the flashing lights of all three police cars in pursuit of them. “This is going to be one hell of a vacation Kitten,” she turned to look at Merrill, who had ducked down in her seat and pulled her hat down further over her eyes, “Sorry for dragging you into this mess.”  
“It’s okay, even if they catch us I’ll be alright as long as they don’t find out.”   
“Find out about what Daisy?” Varric looked at Merrill with a puzzled look.  
“Oh, I’m a mage!” Merrill looked at him and beamed, shooting him a peace sign.   
“And a blood mage at that,” Isabella commented, grinning into the rearview at Varric. Varric chuckled and leaned back into the seat, shaking his head.  
“What a trio we must make,” he grinned, “A blood mage elf, a darling pirate rouge, and a handsome business savvy dwarf; all on the run from the law.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates! Life has been a bit crazy, hopefully I'll be updating more frequently now that things are somewhat settling. Next chapter should feature some action from Aveline and at least one of the Hawkes!!


End file.
